BUI (blogging under the influence)

I never blog after I'm fresh off of an evening of drinking. Things change, right? Well I had an eventful evening --so far i've made abou 10 mistakes, but managed to correct them all0--drunk blogging is not good.

I'm a little annoyed with our beloved Hottender...oh that reoccuring character (who has , I'm sure, somehow found a ink to my blog and now knows what i say and this could be the reasion for the demise of our date number two...whateves). He has successfully frustrated me as usual. This is no secret. I will have to touch on it tomorrow. I'm too sleepy. But you will all be glad to know that I have bangs again! yay.

Happy Friday

return the 'tender (not chicken)

Last night was one of those evenings where upon leaving work I had no plans, but to go home, enjoy a pizza, drink my sorrows (and hatred) away, and enjoy an evening with the cast of Grey's. It didn't happen that way; however not to my dismay.

I got a text from "Hotender"...yeah, that's what I said. I haven't spoken with him since October (well I saw him about 2 weeks ago at a bar in the Mission). He informed me all the days he was working and concluded by saying, I should come by and say hi. Kim and I had some time to spare before Grey's and since The Ambassador is a new spot, we couldn't say no.

I think The Ambassador is my new favorite bar. Hanging from a black ceiling were about 20 crystal chandiliers in various sizes. A very sexy place to sip old school cocktails. I'll certainly be returning. So, I made my way up to the bar where he was working, to his surprise and proceeded to be coy, but sweet. I think he liked my outfit which was nice because so many people said weird things about it that day. Kim left, but I hung around for another drinkie--a madras (not fancy, but free). We chatted for a bit, managed to catch up, he complimented my physique, then he told me I should return the next night . Again I took on my calm and cool persona (so not me, huh?) and responded by saying I didn't know, I was planning for a mellow weekend. He thanked me for coming, I thanked him for the invite, he gave me kisses, and I said I would call him. To this he responded, "yeah, do that," with a smile, no less. Finally I turned my back on to hear him say again, "thanks for coming Candace." I didn't turn around I continued to walk. I'm such a movie star.

So, all that to say this...I think I'll be hanging out with Hotender again soon. But, this time I know he will not be my boyfriend.

ok to be lazy

It's 8:30pm on a Sunday evening and I have nothing to show for the day. That's because I spent the entire day watching television (and I indulged in some Rocky Road ice cream). I'm ok with having done nothing productive, because I deserved my lazy day. I spent my Saturday with five margaritas, Kim & Robin (I love how they keep me giggling), lots of boys, and college football. I was drunk by 5:30...my fingers were numb, my eyelids heavy, and my laughter was genuine. Everything about yesterday was genuine, espeically the way I passed out by 7:45.


(i'm not going to post anything about drinking for 5 days y'all...i'm sobering up)

monday rambling

As you regulars know, Monday usually consists of a weekend recap...
My last post recounted my new discoveries, so in keeping with the theme I'm going to add a few more:

1) Spending a Saturday morning (which turned into afternoon, turned early evening) drinking
2) Breakfast at The Elite Cafe
3) Well-done, cheap cashmere at Marc Jacobs
4) Watching Robin yell "c'mon nerd" in coffee shops that could very well be libraries

I'm going to avoid detail this go round. But I will say that I haven't laughed so hard during brunch in a long time! The food at Elite was splendid, Robin & Kim were total crack ups (one story had me in tears from laughing), and bloodly mary's go down well after a night of beer. Also, I met a new boy. We have dubbed him, "new boyfriend." Granted he's not my boyfriend, but he was very candid in telling me that he should be. I like that--the honesty. He took me out for dinner last night and DVR'ed Desperate Housewives for me. Survery says, keeper. And he's really cute when he wears his glasses.

Needless to say, I enjoyed my weekend. I even got up and went running, bought new booties, a knit hat, and scored a $200 blouse for $20. Yes, be jealous.

It rained today and I would have loved to stay home and play dress up in all of my new things---I know I'm not the only person who does that, right? The dress up gods weren't in my favor, because I didn't stay home and play, rather I wore the ugliest thing ever and went to work. Can I go back to Friday and start over?

new discoveries

It takes a long time to distinguish those things that you genuienly enjoy from those things that are, just ok. I've made a few new discoveries lately. I'm getting more in tune with what I do and don't like. Since I often wallow in a lovely little place called negativity, I'm going to avoid telling you what I dislike and spend some time talking about what I am enjoying these days.

Music: Currently enjoying the crass lyrics of Mikey Avalon (itunes download) & the Marie Antoinette Soundtrack

New Found Passion: I have two--deep v-neck tee's from American Apparel & Voluspa Candles (scent Persimmon)

New and Oddly Fulfilling Pasttime: Getting up alone on Saturday, making coffee and reading Vogue

New Found Treat: Cheese & Herb Croissant from Myth Cafe ( i really enjoy their coffee too)

New Discovery (that comes with age): It's ok to disagree wtih someone to their face & day drinking (less of a hangover)

New Libation: Grapefruit Mimosas

that's an action item for you

(omg, it's 6:28am and I'm up blogging....loyalty)

In the past few years that I've spent in the working world I've been subject to meetings. Meetings aren't always fun, and I'm sure you would agree. They can often be long, boring, misdirected, a "my way is the best way" battle, or short and unaccomplished. Taking all those things into consideration, I've figured out what would make department meetings more enjoyable....cocktails!

Before you disregard this, seriously (haha) consider it. Your department is scheduled for a 3 o'clock meeting, but at 2:30 some "hotender" (hot bartender) shows up and takes everyone's order prior to commencement of the meeting. This is perfect already. All of your drinks are paid for by your department, unless you're ordering top shelf liquor (oh btw, the conference room is now complete with a fully stocked bar). I'm sure you're thinking that this would be ridiculous because everyone would get shitfaced. But c'mon this is work and there must be some sort of order. The rules:

1) two drink MAXIMUM
2) absolutely no shots
3) the bartender cannot concoct any drinks with tequila (sorry no 'ritas)
4) if you seem drunk after your first drink, you cannot have a second
5) it doesn't matter how good the drinks have you feeling, you cannot, by any means take off clothing or dance on tables (grounds for termination)
6) beer is only offered during friday meetings to coincide with weekend sporting events. otherwise no beer, it's cocktail meeting hour, not an afternoon at the "Brewco"

The beauty of alcohol is that in small doses it gets things accomplished. One drink will loosen everyone up, they will say what they have to say and all attendees get out within a reasonable time frame. I just think this would be great. I'd love to begin discussion projects and asking questions after taking a good sip of a campri and soda (with orange juice), a raspberry mojito, a kir royal, grey goose and pineapple, or just a flute of veuve. How effective. Mmm make mine a double. I want to hear your thoughts on this...

word of the birthday

i'm on a roll.

word of the day: STRUMPET

why: because i said so and i really like the way it sounds.

today is laura aka blaurablog's "burfday." she is just getting so much celebratory action these days. i attended her bachlorette on saturday, which is the real reason for my mention of her. it was so fun. she was scantily clad in a tutu, bunny ears, a garter , and a t-shirt with commands such as "give a beer bottle a blow job," "let a random guy do body shots off of you," "give away your garter," "eat a chocolate cock at the bar and ask the guy if he minds," "kiss a bartender," and "show your right nipple," to name a few. laura was a good sport about this. she was by far the best bride yet--i guess she was channeling those sorority days. david really is a lucky guy to have laura ...FOREVER and oscar is a lucky pup to have her too. we stumbled our way through the mission (beauty bar, skylark & double dutch) with penis straws, drunken smiles, and more booze in our belly than we knew what to do with (beside puke). laura's friend brooke and i donned "tramp stamps" indicating our single status. all and all it was good fun, but i don't think laura will be reliving her last time as a STRUMPET (use it in a sentence) on this, her lovely birthday. below are a few photos of the evenings debachery....(p.s. don't show my mom). Do you think we were STRUMPETS?

16 drinks, 2 port-a-potties & 1 naked leatherfest later

It's Monday. I've begun many-an-entry such as that, but mostly out of detest. Today it's out of exhaustion. I filled my weekend with goodies--the kind that come in bottles, glasses, flutes, and cans.

Errrgg I'm really tired today....

So on Friday Ralph came up, which is always fun, but unlike past visits where we spent our days rifling through the racks of H&M, movie going, or skipping through Union Square until we have shopping headaches, we took in the weekend's festivities and drank ourselves silly. Friday was dinner at Medjool with Arty followed by a round of shots and about 5 additional drinks (per person) at Elbo Room. I'm really glad I've stopped drinking fru fru drinks (for the most part anyway), it's so much easier to order Campari--everyone has it and you can't screw it up! We had such fun. I was even asked if I wanted to go motorcycle riding sometime this week. The guy--cute, but he was about 5'2 and that doesn't work with me. Then he confessed to be an "LD" (yeah I didn't know what that meant either). Well it means "learning disabled" and when I offered up my number, I also I had to task of entering my name into his phone. I never have a dull moment at Elbo Room. So for three crazy kids who didn't want the evening to end, last call was more upsetting than usual, so back to Arty's for champs--the result? Vomitfest '06. I'm such a hard parting rock star (hee hee).

Saturday came and after waking up in Arty's flat at 2:00pm we decided to make the day happen , but take it easy. Shopping was the plan. Little did Ralph know, shopping on Saturday in Union Square is severely frustrating. We caught the first bus available and met a "friend" of mine at Civic Center for the Love Parade. It was my first time hanging out with this guy (the friend) and my first Love Parade--what fun it was. After 4 beers, 8 techno beat buses, a hash brownie, and ganja cake I couldn't stop feelin the party. We met up with the the friend (who is now dubbed "Southern Hottie") after dinner (more beer please) and partied until 3am. I managed to make out with Southern Hottie on the corner of Pacific and Van Ness--this one's a keeper...

Sunday was nothing but bare butts at Folsom. I didn't want to go but Ralph made me. Luckily I ran into one of my favorite groups of people--Jenny, Aaron and Tim (i just love them). This made Folsom a lot easier to ingest (in addition to those two really good margaritas). It felt unsanitary and I know someone caught ringworm. I saw enough penis to last me a lifetime (who am I kidding), enough ugly boobs to realize that maybe plastic surgery isn't as bad as I thought, and enough hairy butts, backs and balls to consider stock in Nads home waxing kit.

All in all I had a great weekend. I'm tired now, but I partied, I boozed, I had a few nice meals, I finally met Southern Hottie and made-out with him, and I used two port-a-potties in one weekend. Happy Autumn!!!

drink up

I'm finding that it's easiest for me to blog on Friday's. I get home from work and I'm way too tired, or too busy trying to keep social that I forget to keep you kids abreast. First things first--I love Madonna with all my purple heart (and no I didn't wow her with my pop-locking leotard skills). Second, I won't be going back to Vegas for a long time--so over spikey hair and big taddies.

Now, while I'm inclined to tell you all about my sudden desire to get a nose job, I won't. I think that I get bored and come up with weird things to want for myself. So we'll attribute any nose job talk to boredom.

I went out for drinks with some ex-coworkers last night. I really had a great time! Although, ex-coworker Shannon told me that I shouldn't drink hooker drinks. I ordered a Midori Sour. Another ex-coworker (and favorite person in SF), Nicholas told me that I should parttake in what he dubs "literary drinks," i.e. sidecars, g&t's, manhattans. I'm afraid of all three.

I like my hooker drinks!

Amanda has also said now that I'm approaching mid-twenties I need to stop acting as though red bull/vodkas are cocktails (I'm really eager to try tab w/ vodka). I get a lot of slack for my taste in music, do I have to catch heat for my taste in poison? Growing up is hard! So for an evening out you can usually find me sipping on things that make everyone but really big queens and Britney Spears gag. I enjoy buttery nipples, midori sours, lemon drops, espresso martinis, margaritas and anything with an umbrella and a sweet after-taste. I do love a kir royal as well (not a hooker drink). So I don't know what to say to this except at least you'll never catch me ordering a COZZZZ-MO-POLITUN!

what say you?

Don't you love how no matter which of Shakespearian plays you choose to read someone says, "what say you"? I find it rather endearing...I think I'm going to borrow it from Willy for a while.

So what say you to this...

I have begun giving some thought to my high school reunion, despite the fact that it's 5 years away. I plan on going. I know most people choose to sit theirs out, but I feel mine will be worth attending (I just hope people show up). I'm looking forward to hearing everyone's stories about what they've done, where they attended college, how many children they have, their jobs etc. In high school I was rather bitchy and didn't care too much about other people unless it meant my trumping on their happiness and seeing them wallow in disappointment because I was right and they were wrong. I've changed....a little. Regardless of the circumstances I'm going to wow the pants off of those kids with this story.

I will waltz into some dingy hotel ballroom, clad in a Zac Posen frock and a pair of Loboutin's. I will have a date no doubt, but he won't be a boyfriend. Rather, my date will be some fantasical being who does cool things like design websites, indulge in chi chi chocolates and tell me that the term "maven" is not gender specific. After collecting my name tag and a glass of champagne--it won't be Veuve Clicquot, Dom or Perrier-Jouet, so I won't be pleased, but will sip anyway--I will make my rounds. Then in all of my splendor I will begin to tell the story of how I went to Madonna's tour (Vegas, Memorial Day Weekend, 2006). She saw me because I had floor seats and invited me (and Ralph) to come on the stage with her and dance. We gleefully accepted her invitation but where soon taken away by a skinny (but hot) circuit queen wearing purple hotpants, dancing boots and wrist cuffs. "Circie" as I called him took us backstage and outfitted us both in purple leotards, flesh colored footless tights and glittered round-toe pumps then pushed us back onto the stage. We sang all the classics--Vogue, Like a Prayer, Frozen, Secret, Like a Virgin, Burn'in up. Madonna then announced that we were her biggest and most sexy fans. We would be touring with her for the remainder of her career and we operate with a caliber like no other. After that, we made the front page of all the celebrity ragazines and we've been reaping the benefits ever since.

Now, What say you?