the hardest person on your list

I haven't blogged for some time now, and the last time I did blog, it wasn't happy.

I also haven't done one ounce of Christmas shopping. My list isn't long,
so I'm not worried. But I got to thinking--some people have very long
lists, other's have lists that include pets, and then there are those
who put their drug dealer on their "to buy for" list. Now there's a
question you don't hear everyday, "what should I get my drug dealer for
Christmas?"

I've really been thinking about this--not because I
have a dealer--but because I'm obsessed with what type of gift one
would give the guy who makes you happiest all year round. What would a drug dealer like to see under their Christmas tree? Maybe a new pair of socks? I bet they get cold feet from nervous transactions. How about nice scarf? Maybe you could get him a magazine subscription, although I doubt that would work as I'm sure he doesn't live in one place for too long. Do you think drug dealers wear pajamas? Isn't this perplexing? My vote is yes. It's not like you can give this guy an 8 ball, 8 ounces of pot, or 8 tabs of e...sheesh. These are a mobile group of people, household items would never do. I bet we'd be surprised to find out that dealers would love to haveporcelain tea cups, a nice bottle of wine, or a book (they read a lot from what i hear).

So I don't think it's people with bratty children who want PS3's, Bratz Dollz, or legos that have it hard. It's people who have drug dealers that have the hardest time shopping! What are you getting your dealer? I think just letting you know you appreciate him would be more than enough. He doesn't hear that often!!!

missing mickey avalon

I'm a little bit sad today. There's a Mickey Avalon show this evening and unfortunately, yours truly cannot attend. Instead I'm sitting on babies.

Now, I'm guessing that many of you aren't familiar with Mickey. Well he's a crass little thing, not very attractive either. But his "fuck-it, then bend over and i'll fuck you" lyrics are downright addicting, much like the drugs he references in many of his songs.

My favorite Mickey song right now (see below):

So rich, so pretty

I like a girl who eats and brings it up.
A sassy little frassy with bulimia.
Her best friend's a plastic surgeon.
and when her Beemers in the shop she rolls the Benz.
Manis and pedis on Sundays and Wednesdays
Money from mommy, lovely in Versace.
Costly sprees it's on at Barneys.
And i love to watch her go thru 50 G's calmly.

She gets naughty with her pilate's body.
And thinks it's really funny when her nose goes bloody.
Cuz the blows so yummy and it keeps her tummy empty
And makes her act more friendly.
Dance the night away.
And she won't say nothing when she makes a man stray.

Come on get it 'fore I change my mind.
Come on kid don't waste my time.
So rich, so pretty
The best piece of ass in this whole damn city.


Horrible, isn't it? Can you believe that I would even be interested in this. Yeah, I can't either. I can say this much, I'm going to keep Mickey where I like him--in my ipod. He is so not invited to my fantasy dinner party. Hmm this is something to ponder. I invited Mary Shelley (see October post) to my fantasy dinner party, given the lyrics above just think of her interaction with Mickey. Omg, mother's teach us not to mix friends for a reason, even if it is imaginary...

I bet Mickey would tell Mary "1,2,3,4 get cha booty on the dance floor work it out shake it little mama" (Jane Fonda)

16 drinks, 2 port-a-potties & 1 naked leatherfest later

It's Monday. I've begun many-an-entry such as that, but mostly out of detest. Today it's out of exhaustion. I filled my weekend with goodies--the kind that come in bottles, glasses, flutes, and cans.

Errrgg I'm really tired today....

So on Friday Ralph came up, which is always fun, but unlike past visits where we spent our days rifling through the racks of H&M, movie going, or skipping through Union Square until we have shopping headaches, we took in the weekend's festivities and drank ourselves silly. Friday was dinner at Medjool with Arty followed by a round of shots and about 5 additional drinks (per person) at Elbo Room. I'm really glad I've stopped drinking fru fru drinks (for the most part anyway), it's so much easier to order Campari--everyone has it and you can't screw it up! We had such fun. I was even asked if I wanted to go motorcycle riding sometime this week. The guy--cute, but he was about 5'2 and that doesn't work with me. Then he confessed to be an "LD" (yeah I didn't know what that meant either). Well it means "learning disabled" and when I offered up my number, I also I had to task of entering my name into his phone. I never have a dull moment at Elbo Room. So for three crazy kids who didn't want the evening to end, last call was more upsetting than usual, so back to Arty's for champs--the result? Vomitfest '06. I'm such a hard parting rock star (hee hee).

Saturday came and after waking up in Arty's flat at 2:00pm we decided to make the day happen , but take it easy. Shopping was the plan. Little did Ralph know, shopping on Saturday in Union Square is severely frustrating. We caught the first bus available and met a "friend" of mine at Civic Center for the Love Parade. It was my first time hanging out with this guy (the friend) and my first Love Parade--what fun it was. After 4 beers, 8 techno beat buses, a hash brownie, and ganja cake I couldn't stop feelin the party. We met up with the the friend (who is now dubbed "Southern Hottie") after dinner (more beer please) and partied until 3am. I managed to make out with Southern Hottie on the corner of Pacific and Van Ness--this one's a keeper...

Sunday was nothing but bare butts at Folsom. I didn't want to go but Ralph made me. Luckily I ran into one of my favorite groups of people--Jenny, Aaron and Tim (i just love them). This made Folsom a lot easier to ingest (in addition to those two really good margaritas). It felt unsanitary and I know someone caught ringworm. I saw enough penis to last me a lifetime (who am I kidding), enough ugly boobs to realize that maybe plastic surgery isn't as bad as I thought, and enough hairy butts, backs and balls to consider stock in Nads home waxing kit.

All in all I had a great weekend. I'm tired now, but I partied, I boozed, I had a few nice meals, I finally met Southern Hottie and made-out with him, and I used two port-a-potties in one weekend. Happy Autumn!!!