monday contention

Two items on the list (I'll address the Oscars later). It's Monday. I like to think the good Lord set aside Monday's for complaining and wishing you were at home. I sort of wish that, but Shannon brought brownies to work this morning, so Jesus must be rewarding me for spinnning so well on Saturday.

Back to this contention. Item number one is about the bus driver who is enamored with me. Bleck. Today as Amanda and I boarded the seven he says, "Nice to see you today. How was your weekend?" These are kind gestures and I welcome his speech with smiles and honest replies. However, when I got off of the bus he yelled, "BYE." I ignored him. I felt like I could get away with that. So as I began crossing the street, he honked the horn. I ignored him. He did it again. I still ignored him. I felt bad, but he was crossing a line. I couldnt' wait to tell Amanda that we will never take the seven again. But she claims she will tell the driver where I live, spin and work. BLARG!

Contention item number two. I overheard some "W" talk this morning about how he was out flirting with some la la sluts. I started feeling the anger come up my body, all the way to my head, so I bit my yummy brownie...hard. It makes me so angry to hear about this. You know, I sometimes want to slap myself for thinking that things could have gotten serious with "W." I knew in my heart that he was a man who never wanted to grow up, but I thought it would balance out our significant age difference (19 yrs.). The way he broke things off was so pathetic. Who calls a girl during Desperate Housewives (making her miss Grey's Anatomy, because she is so upset and drowning in a box of pink tissues) after promising to stay the night to say..."This isn't going to work out darling and I'm sorry"? Pathetic. What kind of self-respecting man continues to call a girl after he's broken things off? Pathetic. I'm sure it's some power thing, where he had hoped he would still have me around should he want my post-adolescent girlish charm and adoration.

It really grossed me out to hear of him hitting on la la sluts, when I know what the underbelly of the situation is. I'll admit, sex with "W" was fabo, chatting with "W" was fun, that morning we spent lying in bed listening to the rain was awful romantic, being wooed by him was exceptionally invigorating, the fact that he is/was 19 years my senior made me feel acomplished. But hearing him lie and knowing he will never own up to his true self disgusts me. He has some socially induced allegence to bachelorhood, which is fine, but he should own up to it. I don't think it proper for him to vernerate my existance only to change his mind three weeks later by blaming it on his paycheck.

(Yes I'm ranting)

It's sad. I want to be his friend, I want to respect him. But I can't. I can't deal with these low-life men anymore. I can't look at him and pretend I wasn't hurt by his lies. He lives a double life and I think that's ridiculous. I don't know what will happen the next time he comes to SF. I'll have to be a real bitch (not too much out of the ordinary). I'll have to be stone professional and frigid...two things I'm not fond of. I've considered tickling his fancy when he comes to town. But I think I love myself too much for that. Granted a tustle would be fun and is well overdue, but I think I'd rather sit at home with a bowl of grapenuts, watch reruns of All in the Family or ride a white horse before hearing all of that SHIT come out of his mouth because well, in his own words, "you've got to understand, it's what I do 'dolls'!"