closet confidential

HA...

It's no secret that I like to fill up my closet with items that I'll wear once or just never wear at all (this sounds more pretentious than it really is...everyone does it). So I will go and shop to my heart's content, bring home new purchases only to admire them or save them for special ocassions that never come to pass. All of my obsession with new clothing got me to thinking about "going out tops."

Let me start by saying, I loathe that terminology. Hmmm..."go-ing-out-tops." I hear this so much when I'm out shopping. Ladies vere off on their own mission then return to their shopping buddy, who is on the same mission, and engage in a conversation that sounds somewhat like this:

shopper a: Oh my god...isn't this cute? Oh my god, it's not even that expensive. So worth it. You know, you can never have enough GOING OUT TOPS!
shopper b: Totally..
shopper a: Because, seriously, I get so tired of spending a lot of money on GOING OUT TOPS. I just want like enough to last me for awhile.
shopper b: I know exactly what you mean...I go through the same thing alllll theeee tiiiime
shopper a: I just need like one GOING OUT TOP for tonight--something really cute and sexy, but not slutty, you know?

These conversations can last forever it sometimes seems. I mindlessly thumb through racks--not paying attention to what I'm picking up--and listen to these sort of girls. After a while I begin to make faces, roll my eyes, mumble under my breath and think "why...why...why must this broad keep saying GOING OUT TOPS?" I try desperately not to let this crap pharse slip from my lips. It just sounds so ridiculous. And really, what is a going out top? I usually think of some in a visually offensive color--bright green, hot pink, colbat blue, gold. But sometimes they are black. And often, a GOING OUT TOP is adorned with some cheap garb meant to boost the calibur of the top and make it seem much more exciting than it is--things like: glitter, rhinestones, metallic threading, beads, fancy ties. And you'll find a GOING OUT TOP in the as a halter cut, tube top (ugh), deep-v tank top, off-the-shoulder top and --my favorite--the neckline that plunges down to the belly button (sick).

I will not lie, I have "evening tops," but none of the above and I don't go out with friends shopping for GOING OUT TOPS--which I am beginning to believe is code for "I'm looking for a cheaply made top, perhaps something that will make my breasts look bigger, in a bright color. Something that will attract a sleeze ball, get me a few free drinks and radiate on my myspace page when I post my new photos on Sunday." oh GOING OUT TOP...