Quite a few of my girlfriends have babies, but none of them have had baby showers. I'm thankful for this because I've never been a fan of le baby shower--I find that they're boring and the games always suck. The last baby shower that I had the "pleasure" of attending was clad with floral frocks, soccer mom haircuts, carrots & ranch dip, punch w/ sherbert in the center, dry costco cake, plastic baby hangers (someone gave this and this alone as a gift--a pack of 99 cent hangers), and prayers. I think it goes without saying, I was miserable. I stood out like a sore thumb in a big white skirt, gold hoop earrings, and cowboy boots.
I must say that I do respect the purpose of shower's. I love a good party and I love a preciuos little baby, but seriously someone has got to come up with a better way to celebrate a woman's big day. I was watching "Girls Next Door" yesterday and there was a baby shower for some blonde gal and her (very homo looking) guy. What do you think Hef's main girl, Holly did? She pulled out the classic babyshower game--guess what's in the diaper. I HATE THIS GAME. I think it's sick. What is exciting about pretending to smell shit? I say nothing, but that's just one black girl's opinion. Another game that I think is ridiculous, how many squares of toilet paper is mommy's tummy? I don't want to be swaddled in toilet paper, do you?
I think the ideal baby shower involves Billie Holiday tunes, canapes, cupcakes (in lieu of a sheet cake), a sit down meal, "cocktails" (non-alcoholic dranks for the pregnant lady), champs (because one glass is ok), lots of gerber daisies (in bright colors), & candles with an early evening backdrop. None of those stupid games will be played. Someone is going to be smart and use the sense God gave them to come up with some original stuff that doesn't involve poop, toilet paper, or "when I was a baby I..."
I haven't figured out what activities will be appropriate. But I do know that if I'm invited to a baby shower in the next few months and someone pulls out those newborn sized diapers filled with mushed candy bar (by the way, why does the organizer always giggle), I just might be the single, childless, city bitch who says, "I'm not into scat!"
1 comment:
I attended the baby shower of your dreams this past weekend. The kitchen was decked with champagne for mimosas, wine, and beer for the boys. There were cute little sandwiches (althought carrots and ranch dressing did make an appearance, there was hummus to balance it out), and the little cupcakes you were dying for with the best lemon frosting on top. And no poopy diaper game. The game sequence was very short, luckily, but also quite delightful. The parents-to-be sat back to back in chairs, each holding one of their shoes and one of the other's shoes in one hand. When the other members of the party shouted out questions like "who will have to clean up the first puke?" the parents-to-be held up the corresponding shoe--mom or dad. It was quite entertaining, you would have changed your mind about baby showers.
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