adieu adieu severing is such...

At 5:35 p.m. I shut down my computer. I sat back in my chair, breathed a deep sigh and declared the day, emotionally draining. March 13th proved to be a day of mixed emotions leaving me exhausted, sluggish, and more ready to feel security of my tree-house apartment than ever before.The morning was delightful, I took time to enjoy my last few hours of house sitting, finished up some paperwork at USF and managed to run into one of my favorite professors (Dean Rader), while there. He grew a beard and I think it makes him look fabulous (he's really tall, dark hair, glasses...). I wanted to run away with him right then, and have him forever enlighten me with his literary knowledge! But once out of my fantasy world, I headed to work.

I use my iChat feature religiously (sometimes I should really turn that thing off). Because of this I manage to stay in constant contact with friends, my co-workers and my roomie, Ray Wonder (Amanda). I often find that after a days work I am either filled with happiness, rage, sadness, or confussion upon concluding conversations with friends. I usually speak with my friends in Southern California.

However, yesterday's conversations left me with feelings of the latter...more specifically, confussion. It's truly beyond my comprehension that so many of the people I met years ago, haven't changed much. I try desperately to give them the benefit of the doubt and oversee a lot of their shortcomings. But as of late, it's been more and more taxing to do so. I find that we are in different places. My mother (who I speak with everyday) says that I should accept people for who they are. I've tried this and it doesn't work! I know that I can't change people, but don't they ever want to change themselves? I feel like at some point, one will tire of their juvenile ways, hope to take on more responsibility and prove themself a creditable individual. I haven't seen much of this in many of my long-standing friendships (I am even apprehensive to use the "f" word). I am beginning to believe that only thing that sustains these relationships is history or a delightful past.

In a constant battle with selffishness, underachievers, and mindless chatter, I stand at a crossroads. Do I slowly sever these relationships or continue to hold on because whether I want to admit it or not, a part of me still cares...